Crime Blotter

Breaking News, North Windham, Me.

Bag of Chips Decimated by Family of 5
Officer John Cook responded to call, left voice mail requesting that family slow down on their brutality towards trans fat bearing wafers of salt and corny crunchiness

Small Bird Impersonates Tree Bark
Onlookers wonder what exactly this bird was trying to get away with in its suspiciously careful feather selection.

Brooklyn Mother of 3 caught Blogging on Vacation
Idiot, I mean, dumbass, doesn't she know how fast the time will go by?

Mosquitos Suspiciously Missing from Shores of Sebago Lake
Clueless vacationers don't know if the blame lies with skeeter spraying or local bat population. Investigation continues. Also missing; frogs, snakes, fish, ducks... but there is some evidence of looniness.

Preteen Girl Fresh from Camp BackSasses Mother
But later makes her mom a delicious orange slushy with whipped cream on top and all is forgiven.

Boater Honks at other Boater
Boat rage seen as growing problem, even in paradise

Children Caught Leaving Wet Towels on Carpet, Feign Deafness
Mother smashes head against stop sign.