Weeds Deluxe

I've been told that if you home school your children you and your children automatically go on the homeland security watch list. I don't know if that's true or not. How much more dangerous would you be considered then, if you let your children home school you, which is what happened at my house on Sunday. Soon the homeland security people will hate me as much as the google ads people, who wrote that they discontinued my ads because they considered me a "significant risk to their advertisers." Those of you running the ads, be careful what you say!


My mother's day present from my daughter was a tour of edible wild plants growing in Prospect Park. She'd learned to identify these plants from a certain person who calls himself a wildman, and whom she is afraid of because he is slightly irritable. Nevertheless, he leads tours of school children and she absorbed lots even if she had difficulty with his temperament.

First stop on the tour was the red bud tree. Even my son sampled the tiny blossoms, which would be stunning on a salad or pile of sauteed greens.











Next she pointed out the plantains, which I've seen growing as weeds in people's lawns but had no idea they were edible. My daughter was told that they taste like potato chips when roasted with oil and salt. Below, Common Plantain, which grows a dense stalk in the center later in the season.
























We came to the plant known as Shepherd's Purse, a little tuft of tiny flowers on a long stalk from which radiated little heart shaped seeds. I was told the flowers would taste like broccoli, and so they did.























Last we found a little patch of onion grass, which my daughter peeled and ate immediately, appreciating the spiciness. Since when does she like spicy? Nearby were some violets, which she picked and brought home. Last night she froze them in ice cubes. I should be paying through the nose for an education like this. Oh, I guess I am.


It got very very cold in the park by the end of our walk, but even so I found myself dreaming of weeds that taste like potato chips, and when I found an abundant patch of plantain I started wildly pulling them up and stuffing them into a bag, wondering what people were thinking and if I was breaking the law. Last night I sauteed them with oil and salt as I would Collard Greens. They were beyond good. Amazing isn't it, that agribusiness and conformity have convinced us that we need to buy broccoli, collards or cabbage at the grocery store or farm stand while companies like chemlawn and products like Roundup make it easy to dump poison on something that grows freely everywhere and tastes like a walk in heaven.


Please forgive the use of the word "weeds," I know its not a respectful term, but I find it amusing. I know a few botanists who enjoy using the term liberally as part of their academic catiness. Very funny.