Smith Union Market

I think I took this picture to remind myself that Target didn't invent red and white. I hadn't been in the Smith Union Market in maybe 8 years, not since my daughter went to Sunflower Daycare and we would hang out at Carroll Park afterward. She had her third birthday party there in that park that I love, it was a double (September is so thick with birthdays!) and that's when I learned that double parties are very tricky.

My 40th party was a double party, great fun, but minorly inconvenienced when the basement flooded while the karaoke was underway, people kept singing as their socks got wet, dancing around with the kids' stuffed animals. I knew I should have just invited the water, so it wouldn't have to crash the party. But then again, this led to my very special birthday present, my first insurance check.

I've had many moments lately where something I've wanted to see has been obscured at the crucial moment, very frustrating. Passing by, something looks really interesting, a tattoo for instance, and then at the point when I could really see it, something gets in the way. Kind of feels like a slap, the feeling is the opposite of the feeling of grace. Sort of feels like a reminder that I'm giving the world a little too much power over me, I've slipped back into thinking I would really find deep and lasting satisfaction there, some amazing significance, by knowing some trivial thing, or seeing some beautiful thing. The moment is over so fast. And I'm just left with longing.

I didn't want the guy in this picture, above, but let it slip because his red and white checked shirt fit in so well. He obscures the view but adds to it. Plus he has his hand up to his right ear and so does my son. I'm sure you can picture the shot without the guy though, that's the shot I really wanted. I wonder who is this guy, who spontaneously and no doubt unconsciously wandered into my shot, frustrating me and adding so much of his personality to it. Maybe he always makes his calls there, it may be his special phone call place. His appearance reminded me of something valuable; all summer, I've been trying to learn that the mess and mix-up has more to offer me than the organized arrangement, it's a better reflection of the state of the mind/world and the complications of the unconscious than the barrenness my ego and angst contribute. Life without the bleach.