Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Sign Troubles at Royal Supermaket

I noticed the new electronic sign installed in the window with dismay because it hits the quiet corner of 8th Avenue and 15th Street in South Slope like a swatch of Times Square. It's small, but it moves light and pattern with a degree of intensity you don't want to go near if you're an epileptic. It lets you know without a doubt, if you had any, that you can in fact buy BEER and LOTTO tickets in that store. The words turn cartwheels, dissolve into animated patterns and reappear as another choice vice designed to jackhammer it's presence into your brain.

The other day I was in there and asked if they thought the sign was helping business. They said yes. Then I asked them if they were sure. This is a new skill I've developed, planting seeds of doubt in unsuspecting store owners. Wouldn't it be great to know for sure? If they could only turn it off for a week and see if it changes anything.

But they won't have to do that because it looks like the sign's been going on the fritz. Last week I noticed that the circus of light seemed to have unwanted streaks going through it. According to the shop owner, the lines had appeared, and when they went to take the sign in to be fixed, they disappeared. Later, they were back. Haunted sign, cool.

Today the only thing happening with the sign was a small vertical line on the right side and one little dot in the middle flashing red and green. I kept looking at it to see if I could figure out what it was advertising. Not lotto, not beer, not today. Looks like something fairly nonconceptual. Did God take over the sign to advertise spaciousness? Did Buddha take over the sign to advertise the emptiness and bliss at the root of all things? Maybe Kali, in her impassioned mission to kill every demon in existence, hacked at its wiring with her blood-drenched sabre. Who is controlling that sign now? I don't know but looking at the disabled thing is a huge relief.

So run, run in people, go see the miracle sign. And be sure to tell the cashier that the reason you decided to shop in their store today is because that damn sign is broken. Unless you loved it, in which case, I'm sorry.

UPDATE: Yesterday morning, the sign was unplugged. Nevermind...


Unknown said...

Get a life. Go write about something that's really important, not some stupid sign

amarilla said...

Life? What's a life?